if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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