Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
