my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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