Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
