Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
