two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
