HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
