i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
