if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
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