You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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