Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
