So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
