I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your penis caused this!
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