and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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