my vag is so smooth its legendary
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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