it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize