once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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