woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize