just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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