I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
