what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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