my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
