at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
