pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
