Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize