please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
