I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
