Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
even my farts smell like vagina
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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