that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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