My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
