so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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