I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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