You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
