Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
