I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
