my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
