she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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