Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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