The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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