They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
