my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
