I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
