Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
