what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i drank out of a bidet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize