he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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