his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
