she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
