I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
