Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
now i know why i became what i already was.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
