i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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