i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
