do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
