Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
