Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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