I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
