i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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