Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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