im six kinds of drunk right now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
