does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You ate ashes out of my bong
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
