i just google imaged poop.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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