apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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