I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
