oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
