What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
