wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
