Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need water and some morals
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
