My hand turned me down
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
