everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You are the jesus of drinking
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
