So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My vagina is very pro this idea
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
