your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
