This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
