i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
