I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
