im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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