I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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