my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
