Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
