So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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