Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
