meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
