That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
