Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
