I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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