My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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