had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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