you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
