Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
