you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
