I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
