I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
