I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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