Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize