dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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