It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
