I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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