Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
