This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Randomize
