Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Someone came in the potted fern
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
