well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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