I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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