I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
