I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
