It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
