saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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